One Day, Maybe
by LilithUnleashed
Summary: Dan and Phil have a new flat mate that has more dark secrets than stars in the sky! But maybe her experience can help the boys with their own problems? Rated T for language, domestic violence (don't worry, neither Phil nor Dan are the conductors or the receivers) and possibly sexual references. Eventual Phan! [Possible Trigger Warning]
1. A Plan

_Phil_

"Have fun!" I called, waving away Dan's taxi until it drove out of sight. I looked at the girl next to me. She had straight, dirty blonde hair that fell to just above her shoulders and dark makeup lining her eyes. Her clothing style was dark, with black skinny jeans and a dark grey jumper.

Olivia smiled.

"He will, he hasn't seen his family for months" she explained. It was funny, our Australian friend had only been moved in for 2 months, but she might as well have been here all along, she understood us so well. We stood in silence, watching the delicate snowflakes fall, wondering what the next three days would be like without Dan around. Finally Olivia spoke up, breaking the thoughtful silence.

"Come on Phil, let's go inside. My ass is freezing itself off". I couldn't help but smile at that last remark.

The sun was setting delicately by the time we were fully warmed up. I watched Olivia as she made her nightly cup of tea, wondering what thoughts were going through her mind to cause her to put her empty mug in the microwave.

She stood watching the telly in silence, her eyes unfocused. It was obvious she was lost in thought, so I decided not to break her concentration. When her mug was drained she shook herself back to reality, mumbled something I took as a 'goodnight', and left for her bedroom. I somewhat followed her actions, not thinking about what was going on on t.v, but instead thinking about Dan. I went to my own bed shortly afterwards, and we both slept soundlessly.

The only difference was that my cheeks were stained with hot, silent tears.

I stumbled clumsily out towards the kitchen in the morning, only to find Olivia already awake.

"Morning," I slurred.

"Morning, Phil". I was careful not to let her meet my eyes. I was sure my eyes were red from lack of sleep, and not entirely recovered from the tears they spilled earlier - I didn't want her asking about it. Even so, I couldn't help but notice that she had the same unfocused look on her face, like she wasn't really here. Apparently she was continuing the mental debate she seemed to be having last night.

Olivia took a bite from her Vegemite toast, finally realising that she still existed.

"I don't think I'll ever understand how you eat that stuff," I said. My nose wrinkled just looking at that vile spread. Olivia just sighed.

"Okay, you're not meant to spread it like peanut butter. You're supposed to still be able to see the toast,"

"So basically it's meant to look like a thin layer of crap was spread over your toast?"

"Precisely."

"Charming."

She rolled her eyes at me as she clumsily plopped her plate in the sink and proceeded to make her tea. I pulled up a chair near the kitchen so I could talk to her and still hear her over the water she was about to boil.

"Hey, Olivia?"

"Mm?" She replied, starting up the kettle.

"Um, well I ah, kind of, I don't know, like someone and, uhm. I don't know if they..." I trailed off. What was I doing? Why was I telling her? Luckily, she seemed to understand.

"Phil, there is never a one hundred percent chance that they will accept your attraction to them," she chuckled, now pouring the boiling water into her mug and dropping in the tea bag "Well, who is it?"

"Ah, well it's kind of, um..." _Why are you telling her?!_ My mind screamed.

Olivia set aside the milk she was pouring, leaned against the bench and stared straight into my face. Her icy blue eyes were so intense - especially with the heavy makeup - I thought she was staring into my soul.

Apparently she was.

"It's Dan, isn't it?"

I felt all the colour in my face that had built up during my pointless attempts to explain drain away. My jaw dropped and I just stared at her, shocked.

Her eyes grew wide.

"It is Dan, isn't it?" A note of uncertainty haunted her voice "because I'm going to feel like the world's biggest prat if it isn't,"

_How does she do this?_! I didn't have a clue what to do, so I just nodded.

She left the world again. She just looked into nothingness, absent-mindedly stirring her tea - she was obviously deep in thought.

_How long had she known?!_

Once she decided she had stirred her tea enough, she returned to this dimension. She walked out of the kitchen and sat on the lounge. Naturally, I followed her. After a few minutes of silence, Olivia spoke up.

"So how long have you liked him?"

"I don't know, since about a month before you moved in, maybe?"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"No idea."

She smiled at that.

"How about you pick him up from the train station tomorrow? You can tell him I had heaps of work to do. Talk to him on the way home, and if you need more time after you get home, just make the excuse to me of needing Dan's help with editing,"

I just stared at her. She could think of these things instantaneously and I had no idea how.

"You're a genius, you know that?"

She shook her head, "Woman logic."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Are you sure it'll work?"

"I don't know, you might as well try."

"Cool, thanks" I couldn't help grinning as I bounded off towards my room, where I would spend the rest of the day planning what I would say to Dan. Assuming he followed the script.

I woke early that morning, my eyes still closed. I lay there for a while, gathering my thoughts. As soon as I remembered what day it was, my eyes flew open, I shoved on my glasses and I practically ran to the kitchen.

Today was the day that Dan would come home.

Today was the day that Dan would know how I felt.

Today was the day that Dan would love me back.

I inhaled my cereal in seconds before bounding towards the bathroom to have a shower. I wasn't really paying attention - my thoughts were focused on Dan!

Maybe that's why I ended up smelling like Olivia's shampoo.

I quickly dried and dressed before rushing into my bedroom to brush the knots out of my hair. I must have been noisy, because I woke Olivia up.

She opened my door and leaned against the door frame. Eesh, she looked so weird without her eyeliner.

"You know he's not going to be here 'til three," she informed, an eyebrow raised "right?"

I exhaled loudly. "I know, but I'd rather be ready"

She just rolled her eyes at me, a slight smile playing on her lips, before leaving to intensify her eyes.

About an hour later I think I was finally ready. I walked out to the lounge room to find Olivia watching the telly and eating her demon food.

"Vegemite, again?" I sighed, "really, I think I'd rather eat crap on my toast."

She just gave me a faux grin before singing the old Vegemite jingle.

_"We're happy little Vegemites,_

_As bright as bright can be,_

_We all enjoy our Vegemite,_

_For breakfast, lunch and tea!_

_Our mummies say we're growing stronger,_

_Every single week,_

_Because we love our Vegemite,_

_We all adore our Vegemite,_

_It puts a rose on every cheek!"_ She sang, throwing out her arms at the end.

I just put my face in my palm and sat down on the lounge, laughing at her. When our laughter died away, Olivia's eyes became unfocused, staring into the void I couldn't see.

"There you go again," I blurted before I could stop myself.

She reluctantly pulled her eyes away from the screen to look at me, focusing them again. "Where am I going?"

"Into the wormhole of thoughts,"

Olivia laughed, "The what?"

"Your eyes go all glazed, you rarely blink and you're staring at things and not seeing them,"

She smiled, "I do that a lot,"

"Why?"

"I just... think, I guess. Wonder about things deeply,"

"What have you been thinking about lately?"

She hesitated before saying, "You and Dan."

This surprised me a little, "How long have you been thinking about us?"

"Well, I noticed the thing you had for him about a month after I moved in. But it was after he left that I really started to wonder about it,"

I said something really intelligent like, "erhm, uh,"

She chuckled, "don't worry about it,"

I got the feeling the case was closed.


	2. A Confession

_Dan_

Finally! After two terribly boring hours the train was finally coming to a stop. It was great to see my parents, but I missed the amusement that Phil and Olivia brought me. It would be great to see them.

If only I knew.

When the doors opened, I stepped off the train and took in a breath of fresh air that didn't smell like a sloth's B.O. I was just thinking that I would need to hail a taxi when I saw Phil waiting nearby, apparently still looking for me. I walked quickly over there and poked him in his shoulder blade. He turned around and smiled at the sight of me.

"Hi! How was your trip?"

"Pretty good. The train broke down on the way there, but otherwise it was fine. Anyway, how has home been?"

Phil looked like there was something he wasn't telling me. "Oh, you know. Interesting."

I didn't like the way he said that, but I decided to drop the matter. As we were walking back to Phil's car, we started chatting about random things - how my parents were, where Olivia was, what she was working on, and then it somehow drifted to capybaras in swimming pools. As amusing as that was, something bothered me about Phil's tone. It sounded kind of... Nervous.

_Oh god_, I thought, _what has he broken?_

All the way during the car ride home, Phil kept looking like he wanted to say something, then thought better of it and silenced again, usually bringing up a topic that could in no way be difficult to begin. Finally, when we were about a corner away from home, Phil bit his lip and spoke up.

"Hey, can you, er, help me with some filming when we get home?"

Surely, that couldn't be what was so important?

"Um, yeah. Sure." I answered reluctantly. I was kind of worried now.

The rest of the car ride was in silence, until we reached the door. We opened it to hear Olivia yell, "Hey!", before being given a hug each. She's always been like that. A) giving out hugs and B) even if she had been living with Phil for the last three days, she wouldn't give me a hug and leave him out. She smiled and led us to the couch, where she asked me all the basic questions - how was my trip, how were my parents, how did I survive without her and Phil, how were the train rides...

Eventually, she told us that she had to get back to work, and Phil told her he needed me for filming. She nodded as if this was new information, but I only just caught the ghost of an encouraging smile directed towards Phil before walking off to her bedroom, and I got the feeling that she knew what Phil had done.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god,_ I thought, _what the hell has he done?!_

Phil walked off towards my bedroom, and I followed. Once in there, Phil closed the door. We always closed our doors when filming so as to prevent any background noise from getting caught in the video, but I had the feeling he wasn't closing the door for quiet.

I was setting up the camera, vaguely aware of Phil's eyes watching me, when he took a deep breath and spoke.

"Hey, Dan?"

_Here he goes,_ I thought, _the big confession. I hope he hasn't broken anything too important._

"Yeah?" I replied, trying to put on a completely not-curious tone.

"Um, well, I, ah," Phil stuttered. He took a deep, shaky breath, obviously angry with himself.

_Oh god, he's broken the television._

"I really like you."

Life froze around me.

What.

The.

Hell.

I had no idea how to take this, so I guess I was in denial when I answered with, "um, what do you mean by that?"

Okay, I know, the guy had built up all his courage for those four words, and now I was making him explain in detail. Cruel, I know, but I was looking for any reason to save our friendship.

Phil went bright red, "like I really like you, like, _like_ you," I couldn't help but notice how many times he said 'like' in that sentence - he must have meant what I dreaded.

"Oh, um, well, ah, I mean, uhm, gah, Jesus, Phil! Um, well -"

"- D - don't worry about it. J - just forget I ever told you" he choked, before speed-walking out of the room and closing the door, though I heard him running afterwards.

I just slid down the wall and stared into nothingness.

I have no idea how long I sat there, desperately pinching my arm in the hope of waking up. When it was clear that I wasn't dreaming, I got up shakily and made for Phil's room, hoping to apologise. Instead, I heard sobbing, apparently coming from Olivia's room. I leaned against the wall next to her door and looked though the crack. I saw Phil sitting on the end of her bed, tears running down his cheeks and hands clasped together in his lap, with Olivia sitting next to him, one hand on his shoulder, one on his his hands. Not in a romantic way, in a consoling way.

"Hey, it's okay, I know, it was a stupid idea of mine, but really, it's okay,"

"How?" Phil demanded, "how is it ever going to be okay?"

Olivia gave him a look that was a mixture of desperation and pity, "I'll talk to him later, I'll fix the problem I created,"

What did she mean by that? How had she caused the problem? She wasn't even in the room when it happened.

Phil took a few quick, choked breaths, and managed to give himself the hiccups. "I-I just -_hic_\- thought that may -_hic_\- maybe there would have been a chance, even -_hic_\- a small one,"

"Hey, hey, it will get better, I promise, just try to replace the sadness with anger,"

"How will I -_hic_\- do that?"

"Just try not to think things like 'why did I tell him', 'I ruined our lives' or 'how will I survive now', and try to think things like 'how dare he break me', 'what did I ever do to him' or 'how could he be so mean'.

Phil just gave her a look that clearly said, _that's not going to work._

"It's not, 'why would he do that', it's 'how dare he do that'"

He looked a little hopeful at first, but then hopelessness took over and he just lay down on Olivia's bed and sobbed. She wiped her hand over his forehead. She does that when people close to her are troubled, as if she hopes to wipe away their worry. She just sat there watching him for a while, before saying, "I'm going to talk to Dan, okay?". I could have sworn she glanced straight at me. I quietly went to my room and sat on the floor, my head between my hands. I heard my door creak the slightest, and then close. Then Olivia's calm but stern voice reached my ears.

"Dan?"

I remained silent and felt her sit next to me.

"Phil's really upset,"

"As he would be," I groaned.

She took a deep breath, but said nothing.

"Anyway, how dare I do that to him?" I said, mimicking the tone she used in her conversation with Phil.

"Hey, I'm not mad at you, I was just trying to make him feel better," she said, rather forcefully.

I didn't answer.

Finally, she decided to break the silence.

"When I was younger, my best friend said she liked me," she was obviously waiting for me to answer. When I didn't, she continued.

"I was so mean back then. She told me she was bisexual, and that she liked a girl in our class. I went through every girls name, and she said no to all of them. Finally, ignorant me understood what she meant. I didn't give a second thought about her. I didn't think of how she had built up so much courage to tell me this. I just responded. But do you know what with? '_Eww! Me!_ '.

"That seems bad enough, doesn't it? But of course I had to continue. '_Do you really?! Gross!_'. Of course she told me she was moving away about a week later. I gave her my number so we could keep in contact, but she never called. I paid the price for it later, of course. I became bisexual and haven't had a partner since,"

This made me look at her. I never would have guessed this about her. I was at a loss for words, so she continued.

"I know you didn't say anything remotely like that to Phil. I know you, it shocked you. I know you didn't know how to respond. And he took it the wrong way,"

I wiped my hand down my face, "How am I going to make it up to him?"

"Just talk to him. You need to completely explain."


	3. A Tear

_Olivia_

And with that, Dan walked out the door and closed it behind him, leaving me to my thoughts.

Which weren't as peaceful as they seemed.

_Why would you tell him?! Why?! You've never told anyone before!_ I felt like I wanted to rip my face off and throw everything in sight out the window, including myself, but I remained sat there with the expression of a brick.

_Why in the world would you tell him? What if he tells Phil as part of his explanation? Well, he can knock himself out but what if, come Christmas dinner, Phil decides to say to my parents, "so, I never knew that Olivia was bisexual!"? _

I came so close right then to bashing my head against the wall repeatedly.

_That would be awful! Imagine how they would react! They've always liked to pretend that gay people don't exist. They would disown me!_

Then a small voice piped up in my head. _But they didn't disown your sister._

This gave me newfound hope. My half sister, Skye, wasn't disowned by our mother when she came out. She's bisexual too, but we have different fathers who would react in different ways. My father would encourage my mother to pretend I didn't exist, but she wouldn't want to listen. I know she wouldn't.

I have no idea how long I sat there playing out different circumstances in my mind, but the moon was illuminating Dan's bedroom by the time I was dragged back to reality by a shout of, "You don't love me and you never will! That's all that matters!" and the slam of a door. Instinctively, I ran to the source of the sound. I found Dan staring hopelessly at the closed door, tears in his eyes, drinking in Phil's words, which were lingering in the air. I put my hand on his shoulder consolingly, but he brushed me off and his eyes dried instantly. That made me smile. As soon as he had realised that he was still on this planet he remained strong.

I'd never be able to do that.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, he sighed and dragged his feet to his bedroom, gently closing the door behind him. The silence must have been deafening, because it was only after I heard the close of his door that I realised that I could hear soft sobs seeping out of my bedroom door. I felt like Phil needed time to himself, so I waited outside until his tears ceased before quietly opening the door, careful not to make a sound. When I saw him, I expected him to be asleep, but he was wide awake. I guess he'd just run out of tears. I walked slowly over to him. He still hadn't seen me. I wiped my hand across his forehead, wiping some of the horrible thoughts away. He looked at me, his huge blue eyes full of mercy. I kissed his forehead - as a blessing - and headed off to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. Crying makes you thirsty. I would know - I'd had three years to get familiar with it.

When I had returned with his water, Phil was still staring at the spot he had been staring at moments before. When I presented his water, he drank it down slowly, but thirstily, as if he was dying of thirst, but would prefer to. Once he was hydrated, another tear leaked out his already bloodshot eyes. He needed his own bed. And I needed to sleep. I picked him up - god, he was heavy, but I stayed strong for him and willed myself to not crumple - and carried him to his bed. I laid him down gently and pulled up a chair next to him. I knew he didn't want to talk, so I continually wiped his forehead, hoping to brush away his sorrow. Eventually, he fell asleep. It had taken three hours, but he had. I went back to the kitchen and filled up a water bottle for him, and then made for my bedroom to grab a little skull-shaped bottle with clear liquid in it. Once I was back at Phil's side, I set down the water bottle on his bedside table, and dipped my finger in the skull bottle.

In this bottle was a perfume I once made. It was designed for wearing, but also for blessing. I wafted my hand around the air near Phil's face, the scent of the potion working its way into his mind to help soothe his pain. I closed the little bottle and slipped out through the door, closing it softly behind me. I went back to my own bedroom, set down the skull bottle on my desk and just looked around at my room. It's gothic style seemed to calm me. I slid into my bed and slept.


	4. An Update

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been uploading recently. The programme I use to write the chapters before I publish them decided to delete EVERYTHING! This programme also held my schoolwork. So I've been trying to rewrite everything. I had another whole three chapters ready to upload, and now they're just GONE. So I promise, there WILL be more up soon. Give me ideas on how you think the story should end - I haven't made up my mind yet. I NEED INSPIRATION!


	5. A Secret

_Phil_

It was now in the first week of August - a month since my confession.

Dan and I hadn't spoken since the incident, but I guess I'm to blame for that. He would try to talk to me, but I pushed him away. I didn't need his stupid words. I had told my parents about my problem, so they requested that I stay with them for three months, an invitation I gladly accepted. I'd do anything to get away from the hellhole that was my life.

Finally, my suitcase was packed. God, I hate packing. I rolled it over to the door and dropped it carelessly on the floor before dropping myself into a seat by the window. I was watching the city, all the people bustling around on the street. I felt someone sit next to me - it could only be Olivia. I looked across at her.

She smiled, "You okay?"

I dropped my gaze and turned back to the window, "I'm not answering that,"

"Want to talk about it?"

I sighed, "It just sucks, you know? There are only about 3 people on this planet who would be good for me and of course they can't love me. You look at the way they behave around you and you feel hopeful that maybe, possibly, they could feel the same. So you pluck up the courage to tell them and of course they don't love you back. I just -"

I had broken off because I had gestured with my arms. This had given Olivia the opportunity to grab my forearms and hold them out to her.

Crap.

Her thumbs traced the horizontal lines drawn across my wrist, still raw, some still bleeding slightly. I hung my head, "I'm sorry, it just gets really hard sometimes. I guess I've just given up and I-" I broke off again. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Olivia had extended her arms out to me.

I hate myself for expecting to see marks that matched mine, or even abandoned scars that hadn't been touched for years, but you can't blame me. She showed me her wrist after she had seen my imperfect ones.

But I didn't see marks. Or scars. Instead, I saw a butterfly. A small butterfly drawn on her wrist.

I was so confused. What did the butterfly have to do with anything? I had opened my mouth to say something, but closed it again when Olivia pulled down her sleeve.

"You are not alone in this war," is all she said before meeting my eyes for a few seconds. We hears the sound of a door closing and Olivia whipped around to see Dan walking into the room - he hadn't looked at us yet. Olivia spun back around and ripped down my sleeves to hide my secrets. A few seconds later, we looked out the window to see my cab parked out the front. Olivia looked at me and smiled.

"Take care, and have fun. We'll miss you. A lot," she said before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. It's weird - Olivia give incredible hugs for such a small girl. She pulled out of the hug and held me by my shoulders, looking me in the eye.

"Hey, it's all going to turn out okay, I promise," She barely whispered.

She looked around at Dan expectantly, and he just looked at her with a sad look in his eyes before meeting mine. We just looked at each other for a moment, and then Dan started walking cautiously towards me, as if I was a little woodland animal that might be frightened off by any sudden movement. When he was in front of me, he stopped and looked at me for a little while longer. Then he did something I hadn't expected.

He hugged me.

My heart soared. I breathed in everything about him, his distinct smell. I was so happy, I felt like I was invincible. I felt like I could do anything in the world. I felt like the crater in my soul was being filled in and nourished by the same person who put it there. When he pulled away, reality came crashing back. I nodded my head once at him before leaving through the door and closing it softly behind me, making my way to taxi I didn't want to sit in.


	6. A Memory

_Olivia_

As I watched Phil's taxi drive away, my vision went blurry and I felt my head tilt slightly to the side. _Uh oh_, I thought, _here comes the invasion of the mind_. And invade it did. I stood there for a while, watching a taxi that was long since out of my vision range, just thinking.

It had been clear that when I had shown Phil my butterfly, he hadn't understood. Obviously he's never heard of the butterfly before, but one day, maybe, he'll figure it out. He had obviously been confused, and clearly he had been expecting to see scars on my wrists.

But they didn't rest on my wrists.

Then my thoughts drifted to Zach, my best friend who had stayed with me my whole life, even when I was the biggest bitch in the world. He knew I would come through, and he stayed. Even though I was horrible to him. And when life back home got too intense and I moved to London, he followed me.

But, as usual, I had ruined the friendship unintentionally. It happens every time I get close to someone - I trust them with my secrets and they find what I'm hiding too intense. But this was different. This was the first falling out that wasn't based around my secrets. I shudder as I remember the conversation that did it:

_"So, you have those new friends now, don't you? Dave and Finn?" He said._

_"Dan and Phil," I laughed, "Yeah, they're great. You might meet them someday,"_

_"So, are they -" he stopped, thinking about his words, "Are they good to you?"_

_I frowned at him, "yeah, I mean, everyone is, until I fuck it up. Why are you concerned?"_

_"I just don't feel comfortable with you hanging around guys,"_

_"You're a guy,"_

_"Other guys,"_

_"Why?" I questioned. This wasn't like him. "I've had guy friends before,"_

_"Yes, but that was before-" he broke off._

_I looked away, "before... before that?"_

_"Yeah. I don't want that to happen to you again,"_

_"It won't."_

_"But what if it does?"_

_"Listen, they're good. They're really nice and they wouldn't lay a finger against me,"_

_"But there's always the possibility, Olivia." He said, rather forcefully, "I just don't feel comfortable with you hanging around guys anymore,"_

_"Zach, they're lovely people. I'm cautious of everyone now, and I trust these people."_

_"I don't."_

_"You haven't even met them. Please, it's in the past. I want to move on and pretend it didn't happen. And avoiding people to prevent it happening again isn't exactly forgetting about it,"_

_"Please, listen to me. I don't want you moving in with them. That's how it happened last time,"_

_"No, you listen to me. They're harmless and I want to continue life meeting people and having guy friends,"_

_"Why can't you have girl friends?"_

_"Zach, we established long ago that girls don't like me."_

_"Fine. If you don't want to listen to me, fine. Go and run at the Grim Reaper again."_

_I stood up, "Hey! Shut up! I didn't run at him, he came up behind me and grabbed me round the mouth,"_

_"If you don't listen to me you will be running at him,"_

_"Unbelievable," was the last thing I said before storming off. _

I returned to the planet with tears in my eyes. I rubbed them, trying to make it look like there was something in my eye. I didn't want Dan asking.

Dan. Dan. That's right - Dan had hugged Phil before he left.

I turned to my friend who was half the reason I was mad at Zach, "that was really sweet of you."

He looked at me, confused. Obviously he had been lost in thought as well - probably thinning about something bad he had done to someone. Finally, realisation flooded his chocolate brown eyes and he shrugged and looked away.

"I don't want him to think I hate him. He might stay in Manchester if he does," is all he said before dragging his feet to his bedroom. I followed his footsteps to my own bedroom shortly afterwards.


	7. A Discovery

_Dan_

I basically just sat on my bed, staring at the wall, refusing to let tears drown me. I wanted my eyes dry, for once. They'd been overflowing for too many years in the past. Finally, they gave in. But, just my luck, at the exact moment that a defiant tear rolled down my cheek, Olivia opened my door. Quickly, I buried my face in my pillow to hide the rebellious little drop of saline. She sat behind me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not going to ask if you're okay, because clearly you're not,"

I looked up at her, hoping to god that the little bitch born from my tear ducts was gone, "What makes you think that?"

She shrugged, "Well, for starters, there was a tear on your cheek when I came in," _damnit_, "and also you spend an unhealthy amount of time in your bedroom staring at the wall,"

I sighed, silently scolding myself for being so weak "I think both you and Phil misunderstood,"

"In what way?"

"Well, what did you think was the situation between me and Phil?"

She stopped and thought for a moment, "Well, Phil has strong feelings for you. He was cautious, though - telling you could have two outcomes: One, you feel the same way and get together with Phil, bringing in the risk of breakup. Two, you don't feel the same, eternally awkwardizing things between you. Both of which would potentially extinguish your friendship."

"And what outcome was it?"

She frowned, "Well, two,"

I took a deep breath, "incorrect,"

Her eyes widened, "One?" She barely whispered.

I shook my head, "One point five,"

Her head tilted to the side, so I continued, "I feel the same way, but we didn't get together, eternally awkwardizing things between us,"

Olivia nodded slowly, "that makes more sense,"

"What am I going to do?"

"Explain it to him,"

"I tried to," I said, "That didn't go well, did it? He thought that because I didn't tell him at the time, I was lying,"

"Yeah, why didn't you tell him at the time?"

"Because I was so shocked that he felt that for me that I stuttered instead of telling him that I love him too,"

Olivia enveloped me in a huge hug, "We'll sort it out, okay? One day it'll all be okay."

"Yeah. One day, maybe,"

She pulled away to look me in the eyes, "I promise, I swear, I give my life to say that everything will be back to normal one day,"

I sighed, "alright." I don't think I sounded so convincing.

She brushed her hand over my forehead, "Hey, you should get dressed. Let's go into town later, we should try to go outside more often,"

"Yeah, alright. I'll sort myself out,"

She smiled at me, "I know you will."

And with that she walked out of my bedroom. The moment she closed the door I got a text message. When I saw who it was from, I unlocked my phone with incredible speed and read over the message, my eyes widening and my soul crushing with every word.


	8. An Apology

...

I'm sorry.

I understand that you all want to murder me, but let me explain.

I really am sorry I haven't been updating, I'll try harder. Promise. Its just that everything's come crashing down at once for me - disorders, mental illness, stress, pressure, expectations, judgement, insecurity and a self esteem so low I'm tripping over it. I'm trying to pick myself up, and I'm hoping I can post more :) I love you all, I'm really sorry I let you down 3

Olivia's character is based on who I hoped my little sister would become. Without all the horrible things, of course. I love you forever, sis. I think of you every time I hear _Like You_ by Evanescence - remember how we both loved them? Amy Lee had a baby, she called him Jack Lion. She also released an album, Aftermath. I wish you were here to hear it. I love you, darling. Someday I'll join you.


	9. A Text

_Phil_

I was seated comfortably on the train to Manchester, wishing I wasn't. Wishing I was back at home, back with Dan. Oh shit, and Olivia.

After about half an hour, I gave in to the crushing reality that I missed Dan and sent him a text.

**Hey, I'm sorry I let you down. I didn't mean to ruin our friendship, really. I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough. I'll still be staying at my parent's home for 3 months, though. I suppose you need your space. Also, take care of Olivia while I'm gone. She seemed a little off, so just keep an eye on her. She's basically the only thing keeping us both sane at the moment, so we need her. I'll see you in three months, I guess xx**

No. No, I did _not_ just send that. My heart stopped. The message had sent. Oh. My. Fuck. My world exploded around me. He'd see the message, for sure. What then? "I'll be over it soon enough", I had said, and then added freaking kisses onto the end! _Yeah, real convincing, Phil. So much for making him believe you were only crushing and not in love with him. _

I stopped my mind there. No. I didn't love Dan. Did I? I had never been in love before, how would I know? So I did what any sane human would do and decided to think about it later.

Finally, the train pulled up that the station. I hopped off and called a cab to take me to my parent's place, trying desperately to keep my mind off Dan. When my taxi had pulled up at my old home, I grabbed my luggage and headed up to the front door. I knocked on the door thrice and was greeted not a moment later.

"Phillip!" My mum exclaimed, enveloping me in a ginormous hug, "How are you? I'm so sorry to hear about what happened, baby, but you made a wise choice to come here. We'll look after you until you're ready to go home,"

"Thanks, mum" I replied, laughing at her over-loving motherness.

I went inside, breathing in the familiar scent of childhood and home. I greeted my dad, then went upstairs to my old bedroom, where everything was still in place - but noticeably cleaner. I made a mental note to thank my mother later. I plonked my stuff down and flopped onto the bed, hoping to clear my thoughts. For a little while, anyway.


	10. A Nightmare

_Olivia_

Once I had reached my bedroom, I laid back on my bed and allowed my thoughts to wander. I needed to sort through the mess that was my brain because I knew all too well that an overcrowded mind was not good for anyone.

So Phil liked Dan and Dan liked Phil. Right, okay. Dan knew Phil liked him, Phil thought Dan hated him. Dan was coping with the sorrow reasonably well, he was remaining strong. Phil, not so much. Phil has cut his wrist because he couldn't deal with all the emotions building up inside him. Phil didn't know about my old scars. No one did. I tried to make Phil understand that I felt the general emotions he did without actually letting him know about my horrific past. He didn't understand the butterfly therefore he was left extremely confused and feeling alone. Great job, Olivia.

Okay, so the general Dan-Phil situation was somewhat handled inside my mind. Now to move on to the darker things.

Zach was not at all happy with me for being friends with Dan and Phil, let alone living with them. So I could either let both the boys go and let them deal with their problems on their own to save my lifelong friendship or keep my new friends and help them through the tough time and sacrifice the only person who had ever understood me. Great. I don't particularly want to do either.

And then my thoughts unwillingly wandered onto something I didn't want to think about. Ever.

I had told Dan that I hadn't had a partner since I rejected my friend. Well, that wasn't entirely true. I had had one relationship, but I never count it as I want to forget about it. Why was probably the worst question to answer. And, of course, I fell asleep while thinking about me into the worst nightmare/memory I'd had since the actual incident.

_I don't even remember what we were arguing about. All I remember is the look of pure loathing and fury that filled his eyes. I knew that whatever I had said was a huge mistake. _

_I had been with him for just over two years now, and during that time, I had received about five beatings per month. I still wasn't recovered from the last one, and now, seeing the look of hate and uncontrollable anger in his eyes, I knew I would receive another._

_No. Not this time. I was sick of his shit._

_ I wouldn't let him take me down this time. _ _I dodged the cup that he threw at me and heard it smash on the wall behind me. I felt a sharp pain in my calf, telling me a shard had dug itself into my skin. I straightened my spine and looked him in the eye with what I hoped was confidence._

_Oops._

_He striding towards me with his arms outstretched as if he was intending to strangle me. Fear started building up in my chest so that I felt that I might explode into sobs and screams. But I tried to stay strong, at least on the outside. As he came closer, I lifted my hands above my head. When he came within arms reach, I brought my elbows down into his, making his arms buckle. I latched my hands onto the back of his upper arms and dug my fingernails into the back of them. I narrowed my eyes at him and tried out my soul-piercing stare which I had been practising. It worked. He turned away from me and cringed._

_"Try this crap on me again and I swear to god I will call the cops," I told him, "I don't care if I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. I don't care if I have nowhere to go after this. The negatives of being with you definitely outweigh the positives, and I'm sick of this shit. Go ahead, beat me to the ground. One of these days I will see you screaming, crying and bloody on your knees in front of me, because I'm tired of it being the other way round,"_

_I threw him away from me with all the strength I could muster. He looked at me in shock and confusion for just one moment, but that was quickly replaced by the familiar look he gave me. The one where he looked at me as if I was the most horrible thing his slimy imagination could come up with._

_Okay, maybe I took it too far._

_Oh well._

_I put my hands on my hips and death-stared him, daring him to try it again._

_What the hell was I thinking?_

_He started taking long, aggressive strides towards me once more. I stood there, completely still, watching him. When he came close enough, I lowered my body until me head was level with his chest, and, in the same second, sprang back up, slamming the top of my head into the bottom of his jaw. He grabbed at his chin, staggering backwards. I took the opportunity of him being stunned to quickly walk forward, put my hands on his shoulders and bring my knee up in between his legs, quickly stepping back, out of his way. He cried out in pain, bending over and grabbing at his crotch. While he was in that moment of pain, I ran forward and put both of my hands on his head so I could bring up my knee once again, only this time, it was so I could smash it against his forehead. At this, he fell to the ground, cradling himself. One small part of me felt triumphant, but the rest just wanted to burst into tears, hug him, kiss him, and tell him that I loved him and that I was sorry a million times over. _

_Unfortunately, I knew that wasn't an option this time. So I turned my back on him and started towards our bedroom to prepare a suitcase for myself so I could get the hell out of there. But I stopped at the door. I stopped at the door because it was in that moment that I started to break down. I felt horrible. With every blow I had given him I felt like a disgrace of a human being for doing that to the one I loved. It was only later that I realised he had been doing worse for a lot longer and not been feeling anything except joy. I heard him stir behind me, and took a wild guess at what he was going to attempt next - and my guess was right. _

_I stayed there, perfectly still, pretending to be still breaking down. I felt his arms wrap around my middle, attempting to capture my arms to my sides so he could throw me to the ground and beat me like he had done so many times before. I say "attempting" because barely a second after I felt his cold touch, I dropped to the ground, making him grab at nothing and fall to the ground. I quickly scuttled away, getting to my feet as soon as I was out of his reach. I ran for the door. Screw getting clothes and such. If I had stayed there any longer, he probably would have_ _murdered me._

_ I ran out of the house as quickly as my legs would carry me, not resting for a second. I jumped into my car and started it up. I always left my keys in the ignition, because the doors didn't lock anyway. I took off down the street as fast as the speed limit would legally allow me to go. The whole car ride there I could do nothing but sob uncontrollably, disgusted at myself for what I had done to him. I loved him. Who cared if he beat me every now and then? He had his issues, and I had to love him unconditionally, no matter what was wrong with him. But no, stupid me had to go and hurt him. I hated myself and I wanted nothing better than to go back there and love him and cradle him until he was better._

_Instead, I drove my ass all the way to Zach's place._

_As soon as I arrived, I pushed the doorbell more times than necessary, knocking on the door at the same time with my other hand. Zach was at the door in a matter of seconds, an amused look on his face. But once he had taken in my current situation - my flooding eyes and snotty nose - his expression changed to love [friendly love, of course] and desperation._

_"Livvy!" He cried. He ushered me inside and swiftly closed the door behind him, leading me to the couch where I curled up in a ball as a fresh batch of sobs came on. Pretty soon I had makeup running down my cheeks and I was gasping for air because I was crying so much. Though all this, Zach stayed by me, not saying anything, just holding me until I stopped crying. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, he pulled away to look me in the eye._

_"Stay here, I'm going to make you a cup of tea, okay?" He said softly, "Then we can talk about what happened."_

_And so he left for the kitchen to make my tea while I sat there hugging my knees like the worthless pile of pelican shit I was. How dare I do that to him? What did he ever do to me? How could I be so mean? Sure, he beat me a lot. But he had problems, why couldn't I have just gotten him help? I hurt him. I hurt him so much. What kind of stupid excuse of a human was I? A few silent tears rolled down my cheeks, and I looked up to see Zach coming in with my cup of tea and seating himself next to me. I took it gratefully, and, after a few sips, he looked over to me._

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

_No._

_"Yeah, I guess it would be better to get it off my chest,"_

_And so I told him. I told him everything from my first beating to what I had just now done. Zach stayed very still throughout my story, drinking in my words. When I was finished, he just looked down into his lap as a stray tear made it's way down his cheek._

_"Why didn't you come to me the first time?"_

_His words hurt me. He's right, why didn't I?_

_"Because I thought it was a one time only thing, but, then again, that's what I thought after every beating. That there wouldn't be another. But there was. There always was,"_

_He sighed, "So, what now?"_

_I drew a deep breath. I had given this a lot of thought, and I thought I had finally come up with a plan._

_"Zach, I'm sorry, I don't want to leave you, but I can't stay here. I don't want him hunting me down. And so," I breathed deeply once more, "Zach, I want to move to London. I want to get as far away from him as possible,"_

_Zach froze, but didn't give any outward expressions. Finally, after what seemed like hours of him processing what I had said, he replied._

_"I'm coming,"_

_"What?"_

_"You have ears, woman. Use them. I'm coming with you to London,"_

_I stared at him in disbelief, "Zach, you can't just give up your life to follow me to London just because of my stupid little prob-"_

_"No, Olivia. This isn't a stupid little problem. This is a very huge, very serious problem. If you're leaving Australia to get away from him, then I'm coming with you to protect you,"_

_"Zach, you -"_

_"No. I'm coming with you. End of discussion,"_

_Though I knew deep in my soul that he shouldn't join me, I smiled. He really was the best friend I could ask for._

_"So when do you want to leave?"_

_"Next week,"_

_"Zach! Are you sure? That's awfully soon,"_

_"I'd rather leave soon than take the chance that he hunts you down and gets you. So until we leave, you're staying here and you're not going anywhere without me,"_

_I laughed at him, "Zach, you don't have to -"_

_"Look, I'm sorry I keep cutting you off, but seriously Liv, you need to cut the crap. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Leave. You. Alone. With. That. Bastard. On. Your. Tail."_

_I rolled my eyes at him, "Okay, fine. I'm not going anywhere,"_

The last thing I saw before waking up was _his _terrible, snarling face, threatening to end my life, which had me waking up screaming and crying uncontrollably.


End file.
